Herewith, you will find a miscellany of scribblings, random thoughts and attempts at thoughtful prose; feel free to peruse at your leisure. Or you know, open another browser tab and watch Youtube. Your choice.

My Digital Nightmare

Update: this occurred in August of 2016.  As of late 2017 things are running pretty smoothly. Recently, as in a few weeks back, I had a bunch of nice websites. Good layouts, interesting information, decent design, the requisite number of cat pictures. You get the...

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Why I Built a Personal Website

Why build a personal website? Well, I figured the time had come. I've been using computers and the internet since before the World Wide Web existed, back in the good old ARPAnet days, when Geeks were not cool and computers were the size of refrigerators yet had less...

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The Game

I wrote this after a tiring day of chasing my two young daughters, Annie and Christine.   Somewhere she lies hidden, around a corner, in the edge of shadow, her eyes, full and bright. Waiting.   For the sound of my feet, or the touch of my hand. For a sign that she is...

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The Cow’s Lament

I wish I were a cow so free, to roam those green pastures endlessly, to live my own simple philosophy, to decide my own quiet destiny.   I'm tired of being just one of the herd, of living in a style so comic and absurd, life in the wire can no longer be endured, I...

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Limericks. Seriously.

Every website put up on the internet must have at least one page of limericks. It’s the rule. And limericks that don’t suck. Or at least, not too much.   If you were taking a shower one night And the power was cut from your light What else could you do But flee from...

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Social engineering in the workplace

I used to work for the town of Fox Creek (Alberta, Canada) as the town’s Development Officer and Planner. It was a small town so everybody knew where the town office was and most of the residents had the same low regard for the people who worked there. After all, town...

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In Praise of City Wilderness

I am spending part of this lovely summer evening sitting at a picnic table along the shore of a small lake. About 30 feet from me is a family of Canada Geese, the young goslings still covered in downy feathers but starting to show the color patterns that will forever...

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Another Look at Our Stuff

A friend of mine died today: George Carlin. He wasn’t a friend in the personal sense but we had a long history together. I don’t recall exactly when it was during my teen years that we first met but I do clearly recall what he was doing at the time; he was talking...

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Using a Peacock to Get a Job

I’ve been going to job interviews since the late 1980’s, trying to land that one perfect job. Or at least, that one job that was full-time, long-term and which doled out paycheques large enough to have me living in a lifestyle to which I could become accustomed. Alas,...

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The National Geographic Curse

There is an uncomfortable trend occurring in the field of environmental science these days; it’s the tendency of university researchers and scientific organizations to use volunteer field researchers to help collect data for their research projects. Now you may wonder...

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No thank you, we’re metric

I was driving home this evening after watching the fireworks when I saw an interesting sign. See, this weekend is our town’s annual Pioneer Days, a celebration of our heritage as one of the true pioneering towns in the west. I mean, The West. There is a parade down...

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Clash of the asinine ironies

I’m not one to watch a fine bit of irony walk by without commenting on it. But today was especially noteworthy because two very ironic moments slipped right past each other on their way to see if anyone cared about them. The first irony comes courtesy of the Flavour...

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Indiana Jones and the Rise of the Crystal Numb-skulls

This summer’s release of the latest installment of the Indiana Jones adventures has had two effects so far. The first is to persuade huge crowds to stream into theaters to catch the newest antics of everyone’s favourite faux archaeologist. And let’s face facts here;...

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The World of Soccer

Yesterday I was alluding to the fact that the small town I live in is like an island of traditional fine arts culture amidst an ocean of western culture. Balerinas and lyrical dancers surrounded by  cowboys, rodeo queens and pick-up trucks. Well, I find that I am also...

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A Plié Among the Pick-ups

I just returned from my daughter’s dance recital. She has been taking lessons from a dance academy here in town for the past year and with spring comes the year-end recital. And what a recital it was. About 450 hundred dancers doing some 40 dances (I lost count) over...

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Whither the Water?

Nicholas Stern, the former chief economist of the World Bank and author of the Stern Review on the Economics of Climate Change, made a rather provocative statement the other day. He said, at the Goldman Sachs "Top Five Risks" conference, that: "Water is not a...

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Sunny Summer vs. Creepy Celebrities

I was thinking today about something that really bugs me: Hulk Hogan. As far back as my memory goes, the Hulk has been the biggest blowhard going. Loud, annoying and obnoxious. But when he retired from wrestling, we were finally spared his “Look at me, I’m the...

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Just Another Hill of Beans

So another scientist has weighed into the debate over the health effects of coffee. Dr. Esther Lopez-Garcia of Autonoma University in Madrid, Spain, has found that “long-term, regular coffee consumption does not increase the risk of death and probably has several...

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My Coffeemaker Meets Ancient Man

An amazing thing happened the other day. I got up at the usual time, staggered down the hallway, paused long enough to turn on my computer, then continued another few feet to turn on the coffee maker. But first I had to make the coffee so I turned a tap and clean,...

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How to Buy a Christmas Gift for Your Wife

Each year, with Christmas on the horizon, millions of men will venture forth to buy gifts for their wives. And most of them will have no idea what they are doing. Certainly, most guys mean well, and many of them are truly interested in finding the perfect gift for...

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My Family, Once Again

Another Christmas Day has come to an end. The guests have finally left and taken their noise and laughter with them. Numerous empty bottles are standing next to a large pyramid of dirty dishes. And the house is almost dark as everyone else has drifted happily off to...

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The New Book of Genesis

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God sighed deeply, wondering just what he had done to deserve...

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How to Ace a Creative Writing Course

There will come a time in your life when the voices in your head can no longer be ignored. When their constant coaxing and cajoling has finally convinced you that perhaps they are right. Perhaps your dreams can come true and you could become a great writer, if only...

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Christmas in Paradise

All of the sudden I am awake, staring at the ceiling. A garbled voice off in the distance yells something about "only fifteen days left". I look at my smartphone and the numbers read 9:18. Slept in again. No wonder I feel so good. What the heck. I hop out of bed, slip...

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The Buffet Conundrum

I love buffets. I love standing before that great, long trough of food, knowing that the choices before me are mine to make and that I will go away a happy man. But I have one small problem: I just do not know what to do with those tiny ears of miniature corn. Those...

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How to Choose a Christmas Tree

Each year, with Christmas on the horizon, millions of people will venture forth to pick the family Christmas tree. And most of them will have no idea what they are doing. On the whole they are rather fine people. But they share a common affliction: the inability to...

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