The Game

I wrote this after a tiring day of chasing my two young daughters, Annie and Christine.   Somewhere she lies hidden, around a corner, in the edge of shadow, her eyes, full and bright. Waiting.   For the sound of my feet, or the touch of my hand. For a sign...

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The Cow’s Lament

I wish I were a cow so free, to roam those green pastures endlessly, to live my own simple philosophy, to decide my own quiet destiny.   I'm tired of being just one of the herd, of living in a style so comic and absurd, life in the wire can no longer be endured,...

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Limericks. Seriously.

Every website put up on the internet must have at least one page of limericks. It’s the rule. And limericks that don’t suck. Or at least, not too much.   If you were taking a shower one night And the power was cut from your light What else could you do But flee...

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How to Buy a Christmas Gift for Your Wife

Each year, with Christmas on the horizon, millions of men will venture forth to buy gifts for their wives. And most of them will have no idea what they are doing. Certainly, most guys mean well, and many of them are truly interested in finding the perfect gift for...

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My Family, Once Again

Another Christmas Day has come to an end. The guests have finally left and taken their noise and laughter with them. Numerous empty bottles are standing next to a large pyramid of dirty dishes. And the house is almost dark as everyone else has drifted happily off to...

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The New Book of Genesis

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God sighed deeply, wondering just what he had done to deserve...

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How to Ace a Creative Writing Course

There will come a time in your life when the voices in your head can no longer be ignored. When their constant coaxing and cajoling has finally convinced you that perhaps they are right. Perhaps your dreams can come true and you could become a great writer, if only...

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Christmas in Paradise

All of the sudden I am awake, staring at the ceiling. A garbled voice off in the distance yells something about "only fifteen days left". I look at my smartphone and the numbers read 9:18. Slept in again. No wonder I feel so good. What the heck. I hop out of bed, slip...

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The Buffet Conundrum

I love buffets. I love standing before that great, long trough of food, knowing that the choices before me are mine to make and that I will go away a happy man. But I have one small problem: I just do not know what to do with those tiny ears of miniature corn. Those...

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How to Choose a Christmas Tree

Each year, with Christmas on the horizon, millions of people will venture forth to pick the family Christmas tree. And most of them will have no idea what they are doing. On the whole they are rather fine people. But they share a common affliction: the inability to...

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